Cycle Day 6

January 16, 2020

Today is Cycle Day 6 and I am on my fourth night of Clomid. Sure enough, just like last month the mood swings are awful for me. It is like I will be excited and motivated on moment and then the next thing I know, I am exhausted and not feeling up to anything. These days go so slow for me, I often feel like nothing is happening in my life. I did not post or record last night. Instead, Grant and I went out to dinner with some friends. We both needed an evening of socializing. I thought it would make me feel better. It did a little bit. But I was just so tired, all I could think about it how I was wasting our friends time, because I just did not want to be there. I am so ready for the last day of Clomid tomorrow night. I really hope the Follistim does not have a similar affect.

A part of me is so excited to start the Follistim and be pregnant already. And than another part of me is so tired and just wants to give up on trying to get pregnant and just travel. I can not even tell if I am really this tired and annoyed or if it is the drugs. I will probably be even more sad if I end up having to do yet another cycle of fertility treatments next month, if this cycle does not work. I think I am starting to lose hope, the idea of pregnancy currently is exhausting. And I am not even pregnant yet. I have been eating healthy, taking my medications and vitamins, and I have been exercising.

Between work (coming up with 2020 promotions, meetings, menus and orders), training our new puppy Duke, trying to keep the house clean and dinner cooking, fertility treatment cycle is draining me. It is so hard today to keep a positive attitude. Work is annoying, cooking is annoying and cleaning is annoying. I honestly have no idea how I am managing so well. Let’s hope this is the drugs talking. But most of all, I cannot stand this -20 degree weather. The cold weather never made me sad, and now I am starting to understand those people that get depressed in winter weather. All I really want to do is go for a walk or jog in the park to clear my head. Some fresh air and exercise is all I really want. Tomorrow, I will have a positive attitude and smile through it all.