Cycle Day 2

Cycle Day 2 Feb 10, 2020. Today is Cycle Day 2 of my third treatment cycle. I was feeling very down yesterday. I wanted to write but I did not make it a priority. I really would like to be done with all of this.

On Cycle Day 13 of last month I went to get my follicle ultrasound done. I had a feeling it was not going to go the way I wanted. This has been such a long exhausting process. So last month at this ultrasound the timing was perfect. The follicle was a gorgeous size 18. On the left side. Again. I have no fallopian tube on the left side. So for two months in a row, my left side has lead. I am hoping this month it will be on the right. Once again, my doctor has decided to be even more aggressive. Which I do not really understand because if it is already working and its just on the wrong side, how is more aggressive treatment going to make it on the right side? Anyway, we are thinking this will be the cycle, my doctor is pretty confident and I have been having strong sharp menstrual cramps on the right side. So tomorrow I will start Clomid, instead of taking two pills I will be taking three. The amount of Follistim injections will be the same at 50 units. My doctor has also ordered the trigger shot. I am so counting down the days till my ultrasound on day 13. I wanted to try two more months and then take a break. But I am at a point of depression and next month I just want to drink and stop trying. I am so emotionally and mentally exhausted. I have not complained because I feel like I am just annoying my husband and friends. (It’s like when someone loses a loved one and everyone tells them they will be okay, but the pain in really incomprehensible). The more I think about it the more I cry. So, since I am rarely alone to cry in private, I just choose not to think about it and act like it is not a big deal and I am dealing with it very well. In truth, it is the absolute worst on my cycle. It is so unfair. I have so little control of my emotions at this time. And since it is a constant struggle with Hoshimoto’s disease, trying to get my thyroid balanced has been a nightmare. Anyways, I am feeling pretty down. When I started this journey in July, I thought I would at least be pregnant by the 7 months mark. The only thing keeping me going is thinking about how I will feel when I first see, hold and smell our baby for the first time.